Hi, I'm Dwayne, the Store Guy. Welcome to the Store of Loathing, your source of quality Kingdom of Loathing merchandise.
Here you can purchase a variety of items usable in the real world to do such things as
prevent people from seeing your nipples.
make people laugh when they see your car (as if they don't already).
keep beer and liquor from spilling onto your kitchen table.
Unless otherwise specified, all glassware is sweatshop free and all T-shirts are dishwasher-safe. Or something along those lines.
All prices include shipping and handling within the United States.
If your order needs to be shipped anywhere other than the US, please click here for international shipping options.
All orders will be shipped via USPS. Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery. If you have any questions about your order, please contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
INCREASED SHIPPING RATES: Please note that as of February 1, 2013, international shipping rates jumped up by a large margin. We're really sorry about it, but we have no control over that sort of thing.
If you want to order something for Christmas, and be guaranteed to receive it in time, the order must be placed on or before Sunday, December 1st to give us ample time to process it. (November 24th for international orders.)
For international shipping, you'll need to choose in which type of packaging your order is going to be shipped. Just make your best guess -- if your package costs more to ship than the option you have chosen, we'll request additional money, and if it costs less, we'll refund whatever you overpay. We realize this is a little goofy, but it's the best solution we've been able to come up with that doesn't require us to limit the countries we can ship to.
To reiterate, anywhere in the 50 United States does not require additional postage. US military addresses (APO and FPO) also do not require extra postage (though they require additional paperwork and may take longer to arrive than usual US addresses). Puerto Rico and Guam count as standard international destinations, while Canada has a special status (covered by the first option below). Once again, sorry about the goofiness of all this.
Anything to Canada: ($5.00) Any shipment to Canada, no matter what the size, requires this slight additional bit of postage.
Small Envelope: ($6.00) A small envelope will hold a handful of stickers or sets of tattoos. If that's all you're ordering, then this is the package you need.
Medium Envelope: ($9.00) This envelope will hold a single comic book or calendar, and a handful of stickers. Nothing bulky or in significant quantity, though.
Large Envelope: ($15.00) A large envelope will hold up to four T-shirts (and some miscellaneous stickers and tattoos if need be).
Small Box: ($30.00) This box will hold a bunch of shirts or a set of Tiny Plastics.
Medium Box: ($70.00)
This box will hold two sets of Tiny Plastics. (We're sorry this is so stupidly expensive.)
Large Box: ($100.00)
This is a really seriously large box. It'll hold several of anything we sell. (We're extra sorry this is so extra stupidly expensive.)
These stickers have a much warmer sound than those digital stickers the kids these days like. They're made of 100% all-natural vinyl, mined from the vinyl mines and smithed in the forges of Mt McLargeHuge. Suitable for framing or adhering to a variety of surfaces both legal and illegal. We heartily recommend you don't stick them on your skin, unless you're into impromptu depilation.
(The square Sword and Martini Guy stickers (not currently pictured, so as not to get your hopes up) are temporarily out of stock.)
Sword & Martini Guy Die-Cut Vinyl Stickers ($3.00 each)
These stickers are 5 inches tall, and die-cut for her pleasure. Contrary to popular belief, they are not iron-on patches. They work particularly well on windows because there is no pesky extra sticker-material outside the lovingly reproduced stick-figure to block your view. If there's nothing in particular that you'd like Calvin to pee on, these may just be the stickers for you.
Colorful Die-Cut Vinyl Stickers ($10.00 Set of 4)
The die has been cast, man, and after it was cast, it was cut. If you've been lacking stickers in exciting shapes, this set is just for you. If you're colorblind, these will look just like KoL art, only bigger.
Sabre-Toothed Lime Die-Cut Vinyl Sticker ($3.00 each)
Do you have any objects that could use more sabre-toothed lime on them? Well, provided the objects are big enough (like, say, the size of a car, or a laptop computer, or the wall of a bathroom stall) then this might be just what you need -- it's a handsome die-cut sticker with a width of about six inches and charm beyond measure.
Baby Gravy Fairy Die-Cut Vinyl Sticker ($3.00 each)
Re-imagined and prettified by the Pretentious Artist, and cast in brilliant purple vinyl, the Baby Gravy Fairy has never been more alluring. Nor will she be again. This is pretty much it.
Bugbear Die-Cut Vinyl Sticker ($3.00 each)
Filthy human, buy my sticker! Proclaim your love for me as I proclaim my disdain for your species!
Vicious Gnauga Die-Cut Vinyl Sticker ($3.00 each)
The Gnauga's smaller than the other vinyl stickers, but I wouldn't point that out to it if you want to keep your spleen on the inside. I'd also recommend not pointing out its lack of legs, for the same reason.
NOTE: Because all of the Customs agents on Earth are apparently united in their desire to shatter our glassware with state-sanctioned hammers before it reaches its destination, we are sadly unable to ship any items in this category outside of the United States. It's as annoying to us as it is to you, believe me.