From the frozen wastes of Canadia rode filmmaker Chris Ciosk, on a trusty steed made of video cameras and boom microphones. He interviewed us, explored our offices, and cut together a 27-minute documentary that you can show to your non-KoL-playing friends by way of explanation or apology. Heck, your mother would probably like it. Lord knows she's easy enough to please. It's got loads of special features -- lengthy audio interviews with all of the staff (all of the staff as of early 2007, at least,) a behind-the-scenes look at our development process, and a really cool title animation. A must-have for anybody who must have it.

The wait is over! The long-awaited sequel to the Kingdom of Loathing 2009 Calendar has arrived, and it answers all of the questions left unanswered in the 2009 calendar. Questions such as: "What day of the week is Christmas on in 2010?" and "what will be Ronald and Grimace's phases on April 25th?" In addition to helping you keep track of your finite and ever-diminishing lifetime, the calendar once again features 13 full-page, full-color, full-bodied, amazing works of art by 13 real, live Kingdom of Loathing players.

Hey, man, remember 2009? It was so great, man. The way that April 25th was on a Saturday, and how Mr. Skullhead's birthday was on a Thursday. Good times, man. And remember how every month had an amazing, full-color illustration above it? Well, indulge that nostalgia by picking up a 2009 Kingdom of Loathing Calendar. Sure, its utility is diminished, but its beauty remains undimmed. Just like your mom.

Button, button, who's got the button? We do! These four 1" diameter buttons, depicting the baby gravy fairy, the gnauga, the bugbear, and the sabre-toothed lime, are the perfect thing for that jacket you've got that's all covered in random buttons, or that hat you've got that's all covered in random buttons, or that messenger bag you've got that's... yeah, you get the idea. If you're one of those "lots of buttons" people, these are for you.

Ladies and gentlemen, we proudly present the winner of this year's coveted "Least Accurately Named Merchandise" Award! These toys range from two to three inches tall, so they're anything but tiny. And they're made from art-toy resin, not kiddie-toy plastic (though they're robust, we don't recommend stomping on them). I suppose "Decently-sized Resin Series 1" doesn't have quite the same ring to it, though.

Anyway, these beautiful toys are The Pretentious Artist's interpretations of the Vicious Gnauga, Baby Gravy Fairy, Sabre-Toothed Lime, and Bugbear. They're satisfyingly hefty and solid for their size, and are sure to bring beauty and class to your cubicle, home computer desk, or S&M dungeon.

This vicious little toy is the epitome of screaming terror, albeit ign a cute and cuddly way. His beady little eyes and toothy sgnarl are proven to ward off evil spirits (perhaps spiriting them off to an evil ward). Reports that this toy walks in the night seeking to prey on the flesh of the ignnocent are, we're sure, utter fabrications.

Look at that hypnotizing, toothy (and toothsome) grin. What is this lime so happy about? Its smile is every bit as enigmatic and beguiling as the Mona Lisa's. Perched on its sturdy plastic stand, it almost seems to hover eerily in mid-air -- provided your eyesight is spectacularly bad and/or the room is almost completely dark.

Kingdom of Loathing's own lovable species-ist (Begone, filthy human!) is rendered here in all his scrawny-armed, snaggle-toothed glory. The bulkiest of the four tiny plastics, he is the most effective as a paperweight or, in a pinch, a short-range ballistic missile (actually, you shouldn't throw these toys. You'd probably break his ears off or something). And even though he's painted the most appetizing shade of chocolate brown, we can't condone eating him. But, y'know, we won't stop you from trying.

Kingdom of Loathing's cutest familiar finally realizes her full potential, appearing here in at least three dimensions and in glorious full color. We kind of always thought she was white with purple spots, but we're thrilled to have been proven wrong. Though she's not fully articulated for dancing, keep in mind that neither are you, and you don't have detachable wings.

Do you?

Don't pass on these sassy, classy glasses. All 6 character classes, alternating male and female, are featured on these lovely flammable-beverage-holders in the primitive art style that fans love and that people who print artwork on shot glasses hate (no, seriously, they tried to redraw every single one for us). If you're not old enough to drink flammable beverages, you can do a few shots of milk or fruit juice. Yup, that'd be a blast.

It comes in pints? I'm gettin' one! Yes, these glasses hold 16 ounces (7.3 hectares, if you're metric) of your favorite frosty beverage. I mean, you can put beverages other than beer in here, but we can't officially condone such behavior. We'll just try not to judge you if you do.

What's approximately 4 times better than having one pint glass?

If you can conceive of a more stylish way to keep coffee out of your lap than this little number, you're a cleverer coffee cup conceiver than we are. It is a completely nondescript white coffee cup, exactly the size of a coffee cup, with the Sword and Martini Guy on it.

Did you ever see that episode of Roseanne where Dan talked about his coffee cup with an airplane on it, and how he was always afraid that the airplane was going to fly up his nose? Well, if he had been using this coffee cup instead, he would've been afraid that the gnauga would eat him. And leave toast scrapings in the butter.

This is a coffee cup just like the one with the Sword and Martini Guy on it, but with the Coffee Pixie on it instead. When you put hot coffee in it, the image of the Pixie shakes back and forth, just like in the game! Actually, no it doesn't.